My Loves Hope
by Pippin
Summary: The rating is because rape is mentioned. I got the idea from Buru Tenshi's "Hope" except this is later and Yui's POV. R&R please


Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yugi, Yui, Suboshi, Miaka or any other of Yu Watase's characters. It would be nice to own Suboshi though cuz I think he is just adorable.  
  
Note: This ficcy is Yui's POV.   
  
My Loves Hope  
  
"Yes, Miaka, I'll be fine", I repeated for what seemed like the billionth timw, "I have to go. It is late and we do have school tomorrow. I'll see you then. Bye."  
As I hang up the phone, I hear her soft, sympathetic goodbye. She means well but she is such a worry wort. But then again, everyone is worried about me. I broke up with Tetsuya so they all think something is terribly wrong with me. Tetsuya is worried too. He is not overreacting like the others though. He knew there was nothing real. There was not real love between us. He still worries though. Just like Miaka, Taka and everyone else.They seem to think I need a guy to take care of me.  
They were never worried when I dated Tetsuya though. He never really 'took care' of me. Why they fail to notice this fact I don't know. I like Tetsuya well enough but I never felt safe with him. Not that I was unsafe but I rarely felt at ease with anyone. Not Tetsuya, or Miaka or even my parents. It was a lie that I was ever raped but I was hurt. I am not totally at ease ever. Not with anyone. I don't feel safe with anyone. I did feel dafe with someone, though. I'll never see him again though.  
He was my seishi. It has crossed my mind that he was reborn like Miaka's seishi but could I find him, one person, in this world of billions? The odds are laughable. Besides I have seven seishi. If I found one, it wouldn't be him.  
Glancing at the clock, I read 11:30. "Mom and Dad are in bed by now" I think to myself. Careful not to make any noise for my parents' sake, I creep to my desk on the opposite wall of my room. I open the upper right hand drawer and pull out the only evidence I have that he was as real as you and me. My old school ribbon. It has droplets of his blood on it and it is almost too much for me to bear.  
Why was I so cold to him when he was there for me if I felt this way? He was honet with his feelings. I was terrified of that. Even more terrified to believe that the whole experience was real. The only way I could believe it wasn't real was that all this came from a book and all of these people were nothing more than charaters in the book. When we thought his brother had died though and I saw his reaction part of me began to disbelieve that they were just characters in a book. Hi pain was very real.  
Why was I so cold if I felt safe? He was male. I was nice to Nakago but any other male I was usually uncomfortable and would never have the guts to be cruel. With him I was safe enough to act like a snob. Maybe I am really crazy to act that way. Some people argue and hurt each other emotiona;;y because they don't accept that they are in love. I guess I did something sort of like that.  
He died. That was where the blood on my ribbon came from. his weapon, the ryu-seisui, was coming right at him and he didn't move. I'll never know what was going through his mind. Or what possessed him to allow himself to die. He came back though. Through his brother's body.I have no idea how to react. I knew I couldn't hurt Tetsuya and if my true feelings came out I might hurt Taka, who's friendship I treasured as much as Miaka's.  
I could care less now, though. I just want to see him. Tell him I am sorry and let him hear every thought in my head, or rather, my heart. Weaving the ribbon through my fingers, I slowly tear my eyes from it and over to the picture on my desk. Miaka, her seishi and I.  
"How did you find them...? How did you find them Miaka?" I whisper. In the silence, I found an answer. I started giggling at how ridiculous it truly was. The seishi were drawn to their miko. I was as simple as that. Why I never figured this out before I may never know. Silently, I placed the ribbon back in the drawer and slipped into my bed. I have my hope back. I'll tell Miaka about my feelings for him someday. I'll be honest and I'll find him...  
Somehow, someday, I will... 


End file.
